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god, i've wanted to talk about this properly for ~2 months but it's never seemed relevant or interesting or like i really had the words, so. please bear with...this will be jumbled and winding and likely make no real sense to anyone but.
QUEEN!
QUEEN!!!!
gods i...i Love Queen.
(do i start at the start? do i jump right in and explain the start when we get there?)
Queen never really meant that much to me. as one of the most contrary kids you ever met, i moaned whenever a school party would play bohemian rhapsody (which is fittingly playing in the background right now, thank u @ brian for this solo) because everyone loved it, and that meant i had to hate it, right? i mean, i never hated it, but i forced myself to have no real feelings about it, because everyone went wild, and i wanted to be Different. i never clapped along to we will rock you, apparently i was hell-bent on isolating myself from things that could've brought me closer to the people around me...but that's really a conversation for another day.
other than that, Queen songs were always ones that i associated with other things, and never the band themselves. don't stop me now was the scene from shaun of the dead where they fight zombies in the winchester and end up hitting one will a pool cue to the beat of the 'oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode' part (liz using a fire extinguisher right as 'explode' is sung). another one bites the dust was used in my primary 7 leaving show (i remember nothing aside from us singing that song, and i was dressed as an elton john...elf? i think?). puck sang fat bottomed girls to lauren on glee (i didn't even know that was a Queen song until 2 months ago). under pressure was mcr and the used's cover. you're my best friend (again, didn't know it was theirs) just played over the opening scene of a bunch of romcoms i told everyone i hated.
Queen were never Queen to me.
Freddie though. Freddie always held a place in my heart. like he does for so many people. even though i actively avoided their music and never took a second glance toward them, Freddie was always...so much.
i never really had a ~queer epiphany~, when i was little i didn't realise straight was the 'default' so i didn't blink at having crushes on girls until one day when i was...8/9ish i told a girl i loved her, and BOY did that spread quick around the playground. suddenly i was hit very hard with how Other i was. it was brutal.
i don't know how i knew Freddie wasn't straight. honestly i think it's just innate knowledge people are born with. but one time the TOTP performance of killer queen came on the tv and just before my dad turned it over (he was never a Queen fan) my mum stopped him (being a fairly chill fan herself), asking 'just this once' because i guess she'd missed listening to them. and i saw him. i saw Freddie, and i thought to myself, 'everyone knows he's not straight. they all know he's like me. but they love him. they all love him so much.' and this wasn't a sad kind-of 'why does he get to be queer and still be loved and i don't' thought, it was more 'wow, he's like me, and look at him. look at how loved he is. look at what i could have. i could be someone, not being straight doesn't mean i can't be happy, doesn't mean i can't be loved'.
as i grew older and more comfortable again with my queerness, i also started seeing more and more terrible news about lgbt people. i have a vivid memory of someone in high school very pointedly mentioning to their friends, a news story of a gay couple being beaten up, and then looking over at me, and just. staring for a moment.
i never truly struggled with my sexuality, not in the way so so many have, but each time someone used 'gay' as an insult, each time they'd call me slurs, or when my first ever girlfriend was bullied because she was dating me, a little part of my heart crumbled. but then. every party. without fail. Queen were played. and all those same people loved it. Every. Damn. Time.
i didn't notice at the time the effect it had on me, but man. looking back on it, i really believe Freddie was a part of the reason i accepted my queerness so easily. things changed, they were up and down, but he was my first real example of how you can be lgbt and you can love, and be loved, and do what you love, and Live.
~~~~
anyway. skip ahead a Whole Bunch of years to June(ish) this year. a new girl joined my team at work, and i overheard her talking to her friend about going to see Queen perform in a week. i smiled to myself about it (she was very cute and very excited) and she noticed, and asked if i liked Queen. i told her no, wished her a good time, and carried on with my work.
and then. bohemian rhapsody. the movie.
when i first really found out about it, god. i was So excited. but not because of Queen. i was just so so ready to see Rami on the big screen. and from the promo, he looked amazing as Freddie. through all of the trailers and press releases and photos i got more and more excited because Rami is pretty important to me too, and i knew he was going to be amazing. (the first time i saw the trailer in the cinema i cried from excitement).
the people around me quickly realised that i wasn't going to shut up about it any time soon, and then Becca (the work Queen fan) asked me why i was so excited about a movie of a band i didn't like. 'well. i love Rami, and i've always had a soft spot for Freddie. and i don't hate Queen. but mostly Rami.'
~~~~
zoom zoom to october. and there we are. it's released. one day, im at work, and my pain is so bad i start crying at my desk, and i tell my manager i need to leave. i hobble out of the building, and i call my dad (that's how you know it was bad, because i could get hit by a bus and i probably wouldn't call my parents) and he said 'it's still early, and you need to sit down, you should go to the cinema because that always makes you feel better'. so i do. and it's timed almost perfectly with a screening of borhap.
im sitting in the screen by myself, scrolling through instagram as the ads are playing, and an ad for the movie comes up. i watch it and start crying with excitement, realising im finally going to see my boy in what will surely become the biggest role of his life.
the lights dim, the 20th Century Fox music (played by brian and rog) happens, Freddie sings 'hey hey hey hey' over another title card, and then there it is. the first note of somebody to love, and a shot of Rami's hand. that's the very first second of the movie, and i started crying, not stopping until after the clip of Queen playing don't stop me now finishes in the credits.
i was. absolutely manic coming out of that showing. i went for a bus to go and meet a friend but it was 4 minutes away, so i walked all the way instead. on a normal decent pain day, that would probably take me 20 minutes. but on this bad pain day, it somehow took me around 8 minutes. and i remember none of it. i was still crying on and off, and but i was smiling and i was happy and i just kept playing bits of the movie over and over in my head.
in work the next day i made a beeline for Becca and told her that she had to see it. that we should go watch it together. that she was going to love it.
i went and saw it again the next day. and i still cried loads. not through the whole thing. but still a lot. and it was after this showing that i started listening to the soundtrack.
turns out...i LOVE Queen.
in less than 2 months they became my most played artist, killer queen became my most played song, over artists and songs i'd been listening to all year.
i ended up seeing borhap 10 times. i know. i know. 5 times by myself. 5 with other people. (my previous record was baby driver, and that was 5 times in total).
every time a bus went past me with the borhap poster on it, i would point and say 'there's the boy' to whoever was with me. and gods i know it must've been annoying, but i couldn't stop myself. most of the posters are off the buses now, but still, any time i see one, i look at the poster and watch the bus as far as i can until it's out of my sight.
then because of my new found love, i started following Queen fans on twitter, and talking to Becca about them, and through that, discovering new songs that i'd literally never heard of before.
'39 (which magically just started playing), Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (thank you for my acc. name), One Vision (which probably has my favourite ending of any song ever), and most recently, I Was Born To Love You. i never understood the thing about knowing what you wanted your wedding song to be until i heard that.
~~~~
as with most fandoms, there's some Shit in the Queen (and more specifically, borhap) fandom. but. i've discovered Joe Mazzello through it (he played Deacy in borhap) and he's just. he's so funny and his laughs warms me through. i've gotten so much more Rami content, and i'm so weirdly proud of him because i've known for a long time that he's an amazing actor, and now he's getting recognised for it. ben and gwilym make me so soft and i just. Love what i've gotten from this movie.
honestly. i never even knew about Deacy before this movie. but he very quickly shot past brian and rog to become my second favourite member of Queen. he's suddenly become a very calming person to me, and every time i see him in interviews or playing with the band, he's just so sweet and i want to hug him so bad.
~~~~
yikes, i knew this would go all over the place. there was no plan to how i was trying to say the things i wanted to say about them, but wow this really makes no sense. if you've stuck with it this far, well done, and thank you.
my last (i think) point.
Queen just. make me so very happy.
before i saw borhap with my dad, i was on the phone to him, and he was like 'why do you like Queen now?' and normally when he asks me why i like something that i know he doesn't like, my answer is 'because it's good' but i didn't even try that this time (i always know he'll say it's not) and instead, my first and most natural response was 'because they make me happy'. he hesitated then, and i said 'you can't really argue with that one, can you?'
it's been a long long time since there was a song i would happily dance down the street to. or one that i loved so much i would play it on repeat for days on end just so it would become a part of me. but boy oh boy have Queen given me so many songs like that now. turns out, even unbiasedly, im not sure many people have made a song more fun than Queen. there are some songs where they're clearly just letting themselves have fun, not taking themselves so seriously, and it's just...FUN. (the '1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 o'clock' part in GOFLB, 'fried chicken' at the end of One Vision, 'i do like to be beside the seaside' after SSOR, the bells in Bicycle Race, the entirely of I'm In Love With My Car.)
whether you like Queen or not, it's very hard to argue against their talent. against Freddie's presence as a frontman. and no one can argue the joy that they bring to so many people.
almost nothing in my life has changed, but when i'm neutral, when nothing is Actively Happening, i'm different now. i'm not going to say necessarily that i'm happier. but i'm different. i'm a slightly new, slightly different, slightly lighter presence.
and yes, it's genuinely thanks to Queen.
(okay, gods, i'm going to stop now because i've gone on for years and i should be asleep)
thank you for reading,
i still love you
QUEEN!
QUEEN!!!!
gods i...i Love Queen.
(do i start at the start? do i jump right in and explain the start when we get there?)
Queen never really meant that much to me. as one of the most contrary kids you ever met, i moaned whenever a school party would play bohemian rhapsody (which is fittingly playing in the background right now, thank u @ brian for this solo) because everyone loved it, and that meant i had to hate it, right? i mean, i never hated it, but i forced myself to have no real feelings about it, because everyone went wild, and i wanted to be Different. i never clapped along to we will rock you, apparently i was hell-bent on isolating myself from things that could've brought me closer to the people around me...but that's really a conversation for another day.
other than that, Queen songs were always ones that i associated with other things, and never the band themselves. don't stop me now was the scene from shaun of the dead where they fight zombies in the winchester and end up hitting one will a pool cue to the beat of the 'oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode' part (liz using a fire extinguisher right as 'explode' is sung). another one bites the dust was used in my primary 7 leaving show (i remember nothing aside from us singing that song, and i was dressed as an elton john...elf? i think?). puck sang fat bottomed girls to lauren on glee (i didn't even know that was a Queen song until 2 months ago). under pressure was mcr and the used's cover. you're my best friend (again, didn't know it was theirs) just played over the opening scene of a bunch of romcoms i told everyone i hated.
Queen were never Queen to me.
Freddie though. Freddie always held a place in my heart. like he does for so many people. even though i actively avoided their music and never took a second glance toward them, Freddie was always...so much.
i never really had a ~queer epiphany~, when i was little i didn't realise straight was the 'default' so i didn't blink at having crushes on girls until one day when i was...8/9ish i told a girl i loved her, and BOY did that spread quick around the playground. suddenly i was hit very hard with how Other i was. it was brutal.
i don't know how i knew Freddie wasn't straight. honestly i think it's just innate knowledge people are born with. but one time the TOTP performance of killer queen came on the tv and just before my dad turned it over (he was never a Queen fan) my mum stopped him (being a fairly chill fan herself), asking 'just this once' because i guess she'd missed listening to them. and i saw him. i saw Freddie, and i thought to myself, 'everyone knows he's not straight. they all know he's like me. but they love him. they all love him so much.' and this wasn't a sad kind-of 'why does he get to be queer and still be loved and i don't' thought, it was more 'wow, he's like me, and look at him. look at how loved he is. look at what i could have. i could be someone, not being straight doesn't mean i can't be happy, doesn't mean i can't be loved'.
as i grew older and more comfortable again with my queerness, i also started seeing more and more terrible news about lgbt people. i have a vivid memory of someone in high school very pointedly mentioning to their friends, a news story of a gay couple being beaten up, and then looking over at me, and just. staring for a moment.
i never truly struggled with my sexuality, not in the way so so many have, but each time someone used 'gay' as an insult, each time they'd call me slurs, or when my first ever girlfriend was bullied because she was dating me, a little part of my heart crumbled. but then. every party. without fail. Queen were played. and all those same people loved it. Every. Damn. Time.
i didn't notice at the time the effect it had on me, but man. looking back on it, i really believe Freddie was a part of the reason i accepted my queerness so easily. things changed, they were up and down, but he was my first real example of how you can be lgbt and you can love, and be loved, and do what you love, and Live.
~~~~
anyway. skip ahead a Whole Bunch of years to June(ish) this year. a new girl joined my team at work, and i overheard her talking to her friend about going to see Queen perform in a week. i smiled to myself about it (she was very cute and very excited) and she noticed, and asked if i liked Queen. i told her no, wished her a good time, and carried on with my work.
and then. bohemian rhapsody. the movie.
when i first really found out about it, god. i was So excited. but not because of Queen. i was just so so ready to see Rami on the big screen. and from the promo, he looked amazing as Freddie. through all of the trailers and press releases and photos i got more and more excited because Rami is pretty important to me too, and i knew he was going to be amazing. (the first time i saw the trailer in the cinema i cried from excitement).
the people around me quickly realised that i wasn't going to shut up about it any time soon, and then Becca (the work Queen fan) asked me why i was so excited about a movie of a band i didn't like. 'well. i love Rami, and i've always had a soft spot for Freddie. and i don't hate Queen. but mostly Rami.'
~~~~
zoom zoom to october. and there we are. it's released. one day, im at work, and my pain is so bad i start crying at my desk, and i tell my manager i need to leave. i hobble out of the building, and i call my dad (that's how you know it was bad, because i could get hit by a bus and i probably wouldn't call my parents) and he said 'it's still early, and you need to sit down, you should go to the cinema because that always makes you feel better'. so i do. and it's timed almost perfectly with a screening of borhap.
im sitting in the screen by myself, scrolling through instagram as the ads are playing, and an ad for the movie comes up. i watch it and start crying with excitement, realising im finally going to see my boy in what will surely become the biggest role of his life.
the lights dim, the 20th Century Fox music (played by brian and rog) happens, Freddie sings 'hey hey hey hey' over another title card, and then there it is. the first note of somebody to love, and a shot of Rami's hand. that's the very first second of the movie, and i started crying, not stopping until after the clip of Queen playing don't stop me now finishes in the credits.
i was. absolutely manic coming out of that showing. i went for a bus to go and meet a friend but it was 4 minutes away, so i walked all the way instead. on a normal decent pain day, that would probably take me 20 minutes. but on this bad pain day, it somehow took me around 8 minutes. and i remember none of it. i was still crying on and off, and but i was smiling and i was happy and i just kept playing bits of the movie over and over in my head.
in work the next day i made a beeline for Becca and told her that she had to see it. that we should go watch it together. that she was going to love it.
i went and saw it again the next day. and i still cried loads. not through the whole thing. but still a lot. and it was after this showing that i started listening to the soundtrack.
turns out...i LOVE Queen.
in less than 2 months they became my most played artist, killer queen became my most played song, over artists and songs i'd been listening to all year.
i ended up seeing borhap 10 times. i know. i know. 5 times by myself. 5 with other people. (my previous record was baby driver, and that was 5 times in total).
every time a bus went past me with the borhap poster on it, i would point and say 'there's the boy' to whoever was with me. and gods i know it must've been annoying, but i couldn't stop myself. most of the posters are off the buses now, but still, any time i see one, i look at the poster and watch the bus as far as i can until it's out of my sight.
then because of my new found love, i started following Queen fans on twitter, and talking to Becca about them, and through that, discovering new songs that i'd literally never heard of before.
'39 (which magically just started playing), Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (thank you for my acc. name), One Vision (which probably has my favourite ending of any song ever), and most recently, I Was Born To Love You. i never understood the thing about knowing what you wanted your wedding song to be until i heard that.
~~~~
as with most fandoms, there's some Shit in the Queen (and more specifically, borhap) fandom. but. i've discovered Joe Mazzello through it (he played Deacy in borhap) and he's just. he's so funny and his laughs warms me through. i've gotten so much more Rami content, and i'm so weirdly proud of him because i've known for a long time that he's an amazing actor, and now he's getting recognised for it. ben and gwilym make me so soft and i just. Love what i've gotten from this movie.
honestly. i never even knew about Deacy before this movie. but he very quickly shot past brian and rog to become my second favourite member of Queen. he's suddenly become a very calming person to me, and every time i see him in interviews or playing with the band, he's just so sweet and i want to hug him so bad.
~~~~
yikes, i knew this would go all over the place. there was no plan to how i was trying to say the things i wanted to say about them, but wow this really makes no sense. if you've stuck with it this far, well done, and thank you.
my last (i think) point.
Queen just. make me so very happy.
before i saw borhap with my dad, i was on the phone to him, and he was like 'why do you like Queen now?' and normally when he asks me why i like something that i know he doesn't like, my answer is 'because it's good' but i didn't even try that this time (i always know he'll say it's not) and instead, my first and most natural response was 'because they make me happy'. he hesitated then, and i said 'you can't really argue with that one, can you?'
it's been a long long time since there was a song i would happily dance down the street to. or one that i loved so much i would play it on repeat for days on end just so it would become a part of me. but boy oh boy have Queen given me so many songs like that now. turns out, even unbiasedly, im not sure many people have made a song more fun than Queen. there are some songs where they're clearly just letting themselves have fun, not taking themselves so seriously, and it's just...FUN. (the '1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 o'clock' part in GOFLB, 'fried chicken' at the end of One Vision, 'i do like to be beside the seaside' after SSOR, the bells in Bicycle Race, the entirely of I'm In Love With My Car.)
whether you like Queen or not, it's very hard to argue against their talent. against Freddie's presence as a frontman. and no one can argue the joy that they bring to so many people.
almost nothing in my life has changed, but when i'm neutral, when nothing is Actively Happening, i'm different now. i'm not going to say necessarily that i'm happier. but i'm different. i'm a slightly new, slightly different, slightly lighter presence.
and yes, it's genuinely thanks to Queen.
(okay, gods, i'm going to stop now because i've gone on for years and i should be asleep)
thank you for reading,
i still love you
